This will be an interesting and challenging post to write but it seems to need to be written.  Today is the one year anniversary of my website:  www.lizrderksen.com  It has been a good year.

I drew this "self portrait", a few years back when I was full of self doubt, and had feelings of very low self worth.  What I love about this person I drew is that despite the heaviness that seems to surround her, and weigh her down... there is a lightness, or a hope that seems to float off  her as well.  I remember as I drew her, that I had to give her one redeeming quality... that is her foot.  :)  I gave her a pretty foot.  LOL

I have done another self portrait this year, and it is a lot kinder.  It is a picture of someone who has more peace in her life.  I am learning that I have value, that I have something to give.  Someone once said that "Artists make the world a better place".  I'm hoping that I am someone who does.

As I look back over the year, I see so many changes, and so much growth in my artwork, and my ability to express myself.   I have learned so much from other artists, by trying and either succeeding or failing, and by just letting go and going for it.  By letting go, I mean letting go of the fear of something not working out.  My best times of growth have come from pushing through a "failure", or from just saying to myself, "just try it and see what happens".  

I think that being able to paint, to express myself and to share how I see the world... has saved my life.  

     It's 4:30am and I'm up.  I was awake at 4:00 and tried in vain to go back to sleep.  I am obsessing I think.  I wonder if this happens to other artists.  When I am working on a painting, it occupies my mind pretty much completely.  I have to set a timer to make myself take breaks, and to stop for the day.  At night, my dreams are all about the painting I am working on.  Last night was no exception.  I was dreaming about the lines in the sky, and how to make them look like snow.  Then I wake up, and think some more about it... and try to stay in bed and not run down to my studio and paint in the middle of the night.  I think that might be a bad habit to start.  :)

     Please don't get me wrong, I love early early mornings, and to be able to think about a painting is bliss for me.  I was also rewarded this early morning, as I took Zeus out to do his business, with.... snow.  The first snow of the season.  Kind of curious because this painting I'm working on now is inspired by my anticipation of snow.  Interesting.  

     Being able to think, ponder, mull is a gift that I enjoy with all my heart.  I have learned that spending time thinking through a painting, taking my time with a painting produces a satisfying result.  When I make myself stop after a certain number of hours, and take a break until the next day.... i come up with some of my best ideas.  I do have to admit though that if I take too long a break... i get a bit antsy.  It is as if I cannot not paint.   :)

This is an ink drawing from 1994 when I was battle some serious depression.  It was just a drawing of my feelings at the time.  To me, this clearly shows the impact of outside negative forces pinning me down.  What I noticed later, was what I had placed in the upper left hand corner of this piece.  To me, it is something that looks like hope, or a possible way out.  

I don't struggle with severe depression any longer, but from time to time I do get a wee bit down.  My week had started out that way.  I try to choose positive people to be part of my life, I make the choice to see the good in situations, people, events.  I believe humanity as a whole is getting better, and I try to assume good intent.  Sometimes however, I end up in a situation that I can't escape and I get trapped again in someone else's negativity, and it throws me a bit.  It even will affect my creativity, my motivation.  

I have found that when this happens, what will refresh me the most is some solitude, and connecting with nature.  A good walk/hike in the bush seems to feed my soul.  The smells, touching the trees, watching the sky and inhaling the fresh air gives me a lift like no other.  I am fortunate to live where I can get to the things that keep me positive.  Also, that I can embrace solitude when I need to get back in touch with my soul.  

 So I've been thinking about how to capture the mist that I'm seeing on overcast days or in the early morning.  It has been occupying my mind for a while.  This painting is called "Mistfiied", and it is an attempt to show how the mist settles and moves at the same time.  I'm not sure the mist painting is completely out of my system yet.  

 Watching the mist, I notice that at different times, it highlights different trees.  A friend of mine also commented that she will notice trees that she hadn't noticed before because the mist has managed to make the background disappear, where it once was so visible that these particular trees were unnoticed.  Interesting...

  There are people who get "lost in the crowd", people who are actually quite special and have a lot to offer, or a unique viewpoint, but somehow become invisible next to the noise, and roar around them.  So maybe the mist is a bit like a gift to these trees that are seldom seen.  The mist gives them their chance to shine.  Maybe that is what has attracted me to this mist and why it has captured my imagination.

I absolutely love autumn.  Each day I see something more beautiful.  The colours here are different from the ones I grew up with in southern Ontario, but they have their own beauty.  The contrast of the bright orange, yellows and reds against the dark green/blue evergreens is phenomenal.... how to capture that..

When the morning is misty and overcast, as i look over the mountains i see the fog as a living breathing creature floating and reaching and swirling around the trees.... The green of the forest becomes a thousand shades of green as it is covered in different thicknesses of mist.  
I've been trying to capture that energy in my sketches lately and it has been occupying my mind for a while.  A painting will come out of that for sure.

And then there is the frosty mornings, and the delicate bits of frost covering the blanket of leaves on the ground.... WOW, my brain is going to explode... in a good way.  :)

My latest painting "Blustery Day", tries to capture the wind tossing the leaves around on a sunny but cool day... my favourite type of day.

Cheers to Autumn  :)